Use Your Bad Habits To Your Advantage
The Shadow:
When I was a little girl my parents worked a lot. My grandparents raised my siblings and myself, (that kind of a lot.) This blog is not a pity for me or the life I had/ have or saying my parents did anything but what was right for them at the moment. Rather - it is a window into my pattering, how it formed, and how I use it to my advantage. I also want to state that this blog is not the whole picture. To say my childhood could be deduced down to the few paragraphs written here would be a robbery of a beautiful life - so please remember that I am highlighting key points to discover and share patterning.
So many influencers, ex-partners, people that call themselves “free spirits”, outdoorsmen, travelers, etc. claim they don’t watch TV. While I recognize that this next statement is loaded with my own shadow, it often feels like they say it with a badge of honor. They are too busy living in the real world and experiencing life to "park it in front of a screen for hours". Because I unconsciously categorized myself in the groups “free spirit” “outdoorsman”, and lover of Pachumama (never in writing before) - I always felt like I had to hide the fact the TV brought me so much peace.
The Pattern Forming:
Remember that part about my parents working a lot when I was growing up? Well TV was what I watched when I was done with homework as a reward, it was what brought me peace in happy endings as a child when life at home was hectic, it was what I did when my parents were too tired from their multiple jobs to give us attention, and it was what I fell asleep to more nights than I fell asleep in my bed for as far back as I can remember. Without knowing I was in such formative years or that the home I was in didn’t foster much else in the “soothing” department it became what I did with any emotion. I numbed that way for years once streaming services came out (also unknowingly). I began choosing it over interacting socially. I remember binging Dexter instead of going to three different NYE parties during my freshman year of college. I had already seen the series and I still chose it. (A lot was going on here but that story is for another day).
Now the above paragraph is not something I particularly condone, but it depends. Hear me out. Many bad habits are only “bad” when done in excess. When I realized in the past year that TV my whole life has been a comfort for my nervous system. Whether I like it or not, at a young age it comforted me to sleep. No matter my emotion I would lean on a screen as a little girl to fall asleep. While I can be sad for the younger me and do it differently when I have my children someday - that is how my brain developed. So what do I do with that information?
I use it to my advantage. An episode or two of a show where the good guy wins, an inspirational documentary about climbing an insurmountable peak, or a love story you can guess the ending in the first 3 minutes BALANCES MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. It’s a freaking guarantee. It’s a superpower multitool that I use whenever I need familiarity. (Only now I use proper Blue Light Mitigating tools) It is certainly not the only tool in my toolbox. I have so many tools I have learned and use as I feel are fit:
exercise (a run, walk, swim, yoga, hike, etc)
bilateral tapping (this somatically calms the NS)
breathwork (usually box breath but so many other types work)
meditation (walking, eating, sitting & observing thoughts, japa, guided)
therapy
a call with a friend
making a nourishing meal
You get the point…
At the end of the day, when my NS needs balancing it is because I have too much cortisol, adrenaline, norepinephrine, or a combination of them both. When I re-balance my body experiences a surge of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, or some combination of all three. And judging by the way I feel with TV it’s likely more serotonin and oxytocin. This also means when I need to motivate to get something done I have plenty of dopamine (the neurotransmitter of “more” and “motivation” when I stop watching to complete the tasks I need to complete. It’s a hack to push the motivation button because of how I was wired.
My Point:
The thing is most of the above I learned in my adult life not when my brain was developing. They work - and I go weeks without any TV regularly. My point is I discovered a piece of gold that I used to have shame over because it doesn’t “fit my lifestyle”. The thing is I am the one who gets to decide what fits my lifestyle.
I am not writing this to condone you picking on a “bad habit” and saying - “well Liz writes about this stuff for a living so I going to do it”. That would be a lie to yourself and anyone you told it to. What I am saying is please explore what puts you in a relaxed state when life feels too big and don’t let society tell you it’s “bad”. (Of course, barring anything that causes intentional physical injury to yourself or someone else.)
Am I saying this is your hack? No. Am I saying I will be like this for the rest of my life? That is none of my business. What I am saying is - at this moment I am free from shame. I understand how I got this way and I am making it work for me. If there comes a day when it is no longer working for me - then - I trust myself to do what is right for me and make a necessary change.
Question everything both inside and outside. If you’re struggling to drop a pattern - stop right there. Forgive yourself fast and look at your patterns objectively. Problem-solve with your patterning in mind - with how you have been brought up in mind. This does not mean keeping everything but as you’re letting things go or what you do keep does not have to fit into the societal standard of the right way to do things. Figure out what makes you tick and run with it. For it is your unique processes that will fertilize the land where the seeds of your gifts are planted and you are here to bear fruit.